Motivations for Leaving

I am the daughter of the "flower children," yet not only because of my direct relation to the hippie-generation via familial-ties and musical interests, but also because I am a child of my culture.

In the 60's -my parents' days- the real 'rage' was takin' off...hittin' "The Road," like Jack K., or "Goin' to California" as the literary and musical culture dictated and repeated...

And if I may say so myself, our generation has a (lingering) and newly-refined "need" to GO ABROAD...yet instead of "goin' to California" our generation has shifted gears in "GOIN' OVERSEAS!"

(I should note a tangential a hypothesis to distinguish theory from anecdote, that there may be an economic explanation for this change - but since I'm not an economist I can only raise the question for now, even though I'd love to do more economic/anthropological/sociological studies on this very subject down the road...at least after finishing this LONG biographical study/adventure of my own!)

SIMILAR to our parents' generationally-venered "inspired desires" to take off and "experience the unknown" my generation has added a couple twists in venering/celebrating the experience of new cultures," as well as the "moral responsibility to go help other people in developing nations" (recent evidence is of this is the increase in globalisation.)

Although I plan to save more thoughts on this subject for later written works, I'll say here that the "rage to study abroad" is just one more (or merely refined) cultural "value" which has been communicated via complex communicative-networks over time (the INTERNET/ increased international communication, via the movie-making industry and repeated musical-tastes, which are together known to romanticize reality, as well as via profit-based advertizing and marketed-"travel deals" ... )

And as a (partial) product of my society, of my AMERICAN CULTURE, I have been known to have the jitters to travel abroad too...it's been merely IMPOSSIBLE to avoid!

Indeed, nowadays, one can think of a million reasons to go to Europe, and if I'm fair in saying so, I'll bet that a great majority of women in their their 20's dream about living in France for a year or two. For others (those outside this generation, or outliers/outcasts/rebels or resistant non-"products" of this generation), the question may be raised: "BUT WHY? What's the big deal? What is there in France that ISN'T in the States?"

Although I can't answer all these questions, nor can I give a generalized response for everyone out there, I'll try to lay-down the foundational (more personalized) reasons for leaving in providing my own motivations for leaving Boston, (post-graduate studies) to live in France...

Beginning from the "beginning," ever since I was a child I have dreamed of living in France. Born a dual-citizen (thanks to my two French-citizen/American-living parents) I knew my "chances" of living there were much greater than those of the average-joe. Although I should here note that there ARE great disadvantages in being a first-generation-born citizen in America with dual-citizenship (i.e., having so little "roots," "connections," and family members with whom you may ground and share your life) I considered the advantages to be much greater. Visiting my grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles in France was always a great joy. At a young age, my eyes were opened up to a culture outside of my own, so that the smallest things, such as sharing family-dinners, became cherished rituals representative of "FRANCE." Needlesss to say, I considered myself lucky to have travelled at such a young age, and thus gloated and raved about my experiences in France throughout elementary-school, middle-school (as well as through my high-school years.) Indeed, for anyone that knew me during this period (sorry for them) he or she can recall my FIERCE committment to "one day" making my way over to France, once and for all...

Yet time went by, and I had only visited France a hand-full of times - for one special occasion or another. The fresh baguettes, the rich cheeses, farm-fresh cream and delectable cuisine were mere appetizers... and my mouth watered for more. Indeed, for a long while, my imagination satisfactorily filled in the savory details as I began to idealize the romance, the history, the architecture, tha cafes, the slow-pace, the rich CULTURE of France.

Yet, despite my hankering for the "real deal," (or metaphorically-speaking, a "full-coursed meal,") I strongly resisted any sort of "organized" travelling. The mere percentage-rates of students "studying abroad in their college years" made me want to hurl. I just didn't want to fall into some American-tourist-money-making trap, nor could I imagine sharing my time abroad with so many AMERICANS, or leading my life abroad accoring to some "spoon-fed program" that had each and every detail already "figured out," so to speak. Studying abroad had fallen in line with what I had at the time called "pitiful mob-thinking," (despite the fact that many friends, teachers, and peers raved about the program's quality). I realize I may have been a bit unfairly critical at the time, but my inflexibility throughout my undergraduate studies certainly influenced my later decisions to follow...

While working towards my Master's Degree on the East Coast, I was lucky -and seemingly pre-destined - to have experienced the romance of a life-time, having met a handsome German doctoral student whose philosophical and personal interests fell in line with my own. It was like a dream come true to an romantic-idealist like myself for sure! Yet, like most great romances, and unforgettable dreams - mine came to an end as soon as he up and left back to Germany. Yet, having decided to continue a "long-distance relationship" across the great Atlantic Ocean, we had continued to brainstorm - to talk about the possibility of sharing some kind of future together. He was 1 year shy of finishing his PhD dissertation, and I was just 6 months shy of finishing my graduate studies...and though he was interested in moving to the United States "one day," each and every part of me shivered in excitement, thinking that MY opportunity to move abroad had finally come.

Although I haven't done the research (statistics available on the net can be tricky and unreliable anyways!) I think MANY men and women end up making their final "move" for the sake of a great romance. And although I so much aimed to be unique, my biggest PUSH to move abroad did not differ all that much from anyone else's story, I suppose.

However, what DOES make my story unique, are the following justifications for departure that had accrued just 4 months before leaving my homeland:

1) I was soon to be awarded my Master's degree, yet I had not made any plans to apply for doctoral candidacy, since my academic trajectory was a bit unclear at the time. Subsequently, I thought it best to refine my interests and to research/learn more about other programs abroad....perhaps taking classes in French, figuring out new perspectives would be healthy for my academic career...(and since my previous attempts to study in Belgium, and in Paris had failed, I thought relying upon my OWN creations would be the surest, and most interesting way to approach my future studies...)
2) Despite the fact that I didn't have A LOT of money saved up, having worked only part-time as adjunct professor, and as a nanny, waitress and bar-tender, I focused on the more positive aspect that goes hand-in-hand with having little money: I so few posessions! I had nothing and no one "tying me down," which I thought to be a rare situation and an ideal window-opportunity to leave.
3) Familial and social timing seemed ideal; since, in the States no one's health was in danger/no one needed me to stick around, and at the time, no one was in a rush to have families (I already knew that I WOULD want to be on native-soil as soon as my sister, andmy friends started to make babies!) Conversely, I was concerned about the longevity and health of the older generation in France, and wanted to spend some time with them "while I could" since I had never done so for an extended period...
4) Culturally-speaking it was ABOUT TIME. Having scattered academic experiences in biology, philosophy, and research, I had VERY little knowledge of the "real world," not to mention any HISTORY of the "real world," and thought that time abroad would only do me some GOOD so as to avoid growing into an American ignoramus!
5) Personally-speaking, I wanted to grow wings, and to do soemthing risky and courageous, unplanned and unforeseen...since, after 6 straight years of higher-education, I was foaming at the mouth for a DIFFERENT kind of challenge....

and LASTLY...

My greatest explanation for leaving when I did/how I did (with so little money saved up, no job lined up, no family to rely upon, nothing "CERTAIN," just to RISK IT ALL, and so quickly for that matter, ALL FOR the sake of an endangered long-distance romance) is that my PERSONALITY pre-conditioned me to do it! After all, I like challenges, I LOVE adventure, and I'm pretty simple when it comes to "material needs." Money and security were not even half as important as real-life experience and hot romance. NOTHING - not even a VERY VERY VERY angry father could change my mind....perhaps because I'm a wee-bit stubborn too...

My mind was set to leave, and that is exactly what I did, 2 suitcases in hand, with a little bit of money, and a VISA creditcard to my name. My German boyfriend "C," invited me to stay with him until I found an apartment of my own (I predicted it'd take 1 or 2 month's time to find a job-fix and to get settled into SOME kind of lodging.) The JOB HUNT was to come first, and all I had sorted out were some preliminary searches in the realm of private-teaching, tutoring, and babysitting...

Yet that is a whole different story's worth....

KEY WORDS: Goin' to California, Cultural change, Globalisation, Living in Europe, Moving to Europe, Moving abroad, Working in France, Living in France, Living abroad, American in France, Strasbourg