The Good, The Bad and the Suicidal: Situations at School

I couldn't possibly give a run-down of every rotten incident that I've faced in my 8 months of teaching in France, nor could I possibly give a fair analysis of every (556) students of mine...BUT what I CAN do is select my favorite stories to tell...the good, the bad, and the suicidal...

To start with the worst; sometime last October, I had receieved news that one of my students in 4ème had been found suspended over his bed that morning - that he had committed suicide by hanging himself. And yet, if I hadn't gotten to the "salle des professeurs" to hear the news (just in time) early that morning, I wouldn't have known that afternoon WHY my little 11year old was missing from my class.

MUM was the word...no one spoke about it...no one reacted...

Looking around confusedly, wondering why NO ONE else seemed SHOCKED as hell that a problem-free, charismatic 11year old boy had DIED - by CHOICE that morning, I began asking (inappropriate) questions...

"Is anyone else shocked?" "Did you too have this student in your class?" "Could you have seen this coming?" "Did you see any signs of depression?" "How should I face my students questions?"

Come to find out, suicide was fairly common-place here...and most of my questions were easily answered: this was the 3rd passing in 2 years (including the school nurse, and wife of the assistant professor who dove out of a window, right in front of the students, jumping to death's door) SO with all due respect, professors chose not to make a big scene this time around. It's been unfortunate enough to have a child die, let alone have everyone pass rumours...enough tragedy already...

I spoke to some fellow professors about gathering all students and professors to talk about it, in order to AVOID rumours, fear, anxiety - to have a cathartic moment, so as not to AVOID the reality of tragedy altogether, but the direction of the school had been asked by the family not to do such a thing; a public "Goodbye" ceremony would be held some days later, and that was all.

Some students were given the right to miss class that week (his friends and classmates), and not to mention his elder sister (who must have been a wreck that morning,and in weeks to come - having been the first one to discover him hanging from his bedroom suspension). I too encouraged my students to excuse themselves to go to the school psychologist, or to the school's "aumonérie" (the Pasteur) in order to talk about it, if they had any desire to do so, but no one took me up on the offer. MUM was the word amongst the students.

I suppose they had ALREADY learned the lessons of the the dog-eat-dog/competitive atmosphere of private education, and had become aware that stress could lead to such ends. Immediately, I was reminded of DEAD POET'S SOCIETY, and wondered what it must be like to have such pressure on one's shoulders at such a YOUNG AGE! How miserable, I thought...what happened to children acting like children? CURIOUS, ENTHUSIASTIC, EXCITED to learn for the sake of learning...?????????????????????

At the ceremony, many students and professors made presence, and were very respectful to that end. Listening to the Pasteur speak of "Le Petit Prince" brought tears to my eyes; I didn't hold back from crying, and luckily, the collegue who had been sitting next to me didn't hold back either.

Some of my students looked at us with loving, sympathetic eyes for which I later thanked them, along with the 2 students who sang and played the piano beautifully in honor of their fellow classmate. I was impressed, at least, for their connaissance of ceremonial ritualisation.

Since October, everything has gone back to normal...

And what exactly does NORMAL mean anyways?

Well...as a teacher, I suppose one is forced to accept the relativity of NORMALITY.

In classe 2nde, I have some groups of students that do NOTHING, some groups of students who are endlessly act like SMART-ASS WISE-MOUTHS altogether, then there are the GRIPERS and MOANERS, the OVERLY-ENTHUSIASTIC and RAMBUNCTIOUS about EVERYTHING, and others who are just STELLAR...(WAY more impressive than college-aged students-stellar!)

In the beginning, it was difficult to differentiate one group from the next. For starters, it required a great deal of memory to prepare for each course ahead of time, taking into consideration the nature of each group, and of course, my standards of discipline had to vary from group to group!

I warned everyone that talking would not be allowed unless hands were raised; and that any violation would lead to "les avertissements" in their "carnets de correspondances" (written warnings in obligatory-student-journals, to be signed by the school administration/disciplinary office as well as by their parents any time they are "bad.")

These written warnings worked well for a little while; I gained FEAR if not a TEENY bit of respect, but they certainly did't work well for EVERY group.

Although I was encouraged to punish students for putting their heads down on their desks during class (the nothing-doers), as well the students who outwardly hated on the class (the rebellious moaners and groaners), and the students who spoke out without raising their hands...I surely would have turned into a COP if I dished out written warnings for every "violation."

I slowly eased up, allowing students to speak their mind, and even raised some controversies by putting them against one another, hoping for intellectual debate.

This backfired, of course...many times. One time, a student shared his response to a question concerning "mentors" and "role models," saying that Jesus was his prime example. ALL the students laughed at him, and I hardly knew how to react on the spot. When I get really irritated (or embarrassed or angry) it's difficult for me to find the right words in French - my emotions take over, and the blood rushes to my brain (which is clearly shown on my face) leaving very little possibility for clear-thinking...so I said "Stop it right now! At least this one student is brave enough to express himself with honesty while the rest of you are all sheep, sitting there laughing at him." I regretted not punishing them, when looking at the face of the poor kid that had literally been punished for expressing himself...

2 weeks later (since I see each group only once every 2 weeks), I warned them about maintaining minimal standards of mutual-respect, saying that I'd reauire them to write an un-graded pass-fail (manditory) 5 page essay about respect if we continued to have problems.

Though we still continue to have "issues" in class (attacking religion without critical argumentation) the students HAVE made some attempts to avoid making PERSONAL attacks.

In another class, a student would NOT stop interrupting me, correcting my errors in French, or adding "fun facts" to my lectures without raising his hand...a REAL wise-ass. His collegues LOVED him for it, for they could see he was able to get under my skin...which (considering my very obvious body mannerisms and expressions) made everyone laugh. When it came time to perform oral presentations, he did an "impression" of a "typical American."

Instead of exploding there and then, I approached the principle at the "Conseils de classes" (held on a tri-mester basis to evaluate the behavior and progress of each individual student and every class). NOT ONE professor agreed that this particular student was problematic, so I made a private complaint in the principal's office to ensure that my voice was heard. Thankfully, the principal/director is an understanding, and wise (and patient) man...

Since, he addressed at that meeting the following items:

"Dear Miss Bourdon, although I have the profoundest respect for your courage and hard work, I have to ask you to work on your familar-French expression, since your "problem student" brought to my attention a recent event..."

I knew exactly what he was getting at: A few weeks prior, I had gotten really flustered by a neighboring problem-student in the same group (a friend of this problem-child) at which point (after several oral warnings) I told him to "shut the fuck up" (or in French or "Ta gueule!") It had SLIPPED OUT, though I MEANT to say "TAIS-toi!"

My director/boss/the principal laughed a bit, encouraging me rather than reprimanding me, to be on top of the "vulgar" expressions that are oft utilized by students and avoided by professors, and he reminded me that it was imperative ESPECIALLY amongst super-brilliant students, like my "problem child."

He was right. I'd have to be on better guard. The PROBLEM with my problem-child was indeed that he KNEW more than me about nearly EVERYTHING - including religion (since he came from a very Catho-CATHO family) - and I'd have to be more careful not to agitate him. For he, along with a truck-load of students in 2nde (10th grade) was SUPER-intellectual, and TOO QUICK to shatter anyone who couldn't keep up.

KEPPING UP, is the very least I HAD to do, as a professor, and I KNEW THAT. CONFIDENCE was key...and bullshitting was the secondary ingredient. I've learned that many students are EXCELLENT bullshitters...and I'd have to start playing suit.

In other classes, TALKING was more difficult to control and regulate. One group loves tangential subjects, and another DEBATING...which is but a teacher's dream come true.

One student, however, is so funny I cannot avoid laughing when he cracks inappropriate jokes. It's DIFFICULT in MANY classes, but when he's in the room, I can't even control myself any longer.

For instance, as we were finishing up an exercise at the end of my last class, he looked up to me (he sits directly in front of me) and asked: "Madame Bourdon" (They all refer to me as Madame Bourdon even though I introduced myself as Mademoiselle Bourdon!) "What kind of music do you like?"

* Vacation had just ended, and the big hype in Strasbourg had been the music festival, which had apparently been on his mind*

Half-listening (as I was organizing my materials) I thought I heard him say "MMe. Bourdon, can I listen to music?" to which I said "NO!"

Laughing, he said..."Mme. that doesn't answer my question! I asked you what kind of music you like, and you just said NO; that's like asking what flavor ice cream you like and getting the response, dog." He continued, "it's as though I were to ask you to have sex with me, only to have you say GREEN!"

I burst out laughing, even though it was TOTALLY inappropriate, but I swaer - it's harder than one should think! KIDS CAN BE FUNNY...AND strange!!!

In classe 3ème, I have a real mix of talkers and "cool dudes." The problems in class range from students responding to questions with the most ridiculous comments, paper-tearing, crumbling, folding and occasional air-plane throwing (physical agitation), forgetfulness of material..."Madame, I forgot my book today," is VERY COMMON. BUT I near GAVE UP punishing them for it. In 9th grade, positive-reinforcement seems to work best...I give them a lot more written work to do, and more 'little' assignments to keep their minds focused...

In 4ème, the worst problem is silliness - which is hardly a problem at all; in fact, sometimes it's just darn CUTE. A couple of times, I've had some students throw up during class, or get bloody-noses (for some reason, this age is tormented with things like these!) as well as talking-attacks.

I was one of those kids in school, so I suppose I can sympathze, though unfairly perhaps.

I am much more stern with them, and require their hands to be raised in air, and for that reason, they seem to respect me (or hate me) a lot more. We STICK to the material, and occasionally do fun projects...but what I love best are their positive goodbyes:

"Have a good day Mme Bourdon" or "Bon apetit" before lunch. SO CUTE!!!

And I should here say that I have SOME students - in every grade - that keep me astounded. Their questions, their maturity, their intensity is SO outstanding I wish I could spend EVERY class with them...