Serge Gainsbourg style - A BBQ ruined and a Party SAVED.

A BBQ ruined, A night saved...surely a day to remember all in all; OH how I love being surprised!!!!

The BBQ for which I had planned and prepared one Sunday (just a week before my departure) was to begin at 4pm, but just before then, the clouds came rolling in and thunder was rumbling in the distance. Since I had bought and lugged over SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much stuff (food, music, games etc), I decided not to cancel. And in any case, everyone seemed pretty optimistic that the storm would blow over; Strasbourg does not often get thunder storms...the gray skies simply go pee pee/tinkle/drizzle ever so faintly.

We were wrong, of course - an INCREDIBLE storm proceeded to cloud the picnicing area at the park, where unfortunately, we had parked ourselves, very far from our parking spots. Consequentially running hands-full to the cars, we had become SOPPING wet. After not even 15 minutes of actual "BBQ" picnic-time, the BBQ was really ruined.

Saving the day nevertheless, one of Xavier's friends (PPN) invited us to his place to do a "BBQ-do-over." Since he lived the next town over,in Shiltigheim, we all had to manouever different ways of getting there. Typically, I would have biked there, but there was a lot of moist food to be lugged over and consumed...so, I hitched a ride with Anabelle and her bf JS after getting a change of clothes. We got to PPN's house around 6:00.

His house was huge, and seemingly unwelcoming in the beginning. His 5 roommates were really STINKY hippies (literally very stinky) and were roaming around, seemingly with NOTHING to do except STARE, evidently wondering what we were about to start up. Trying to make the best of the situation, I offered them cocktails, which seemed to work to break the ice. I prepared my favorite: Relaxers, aka "Bay Breezes." After organizing some snacks and drinks, things were rolling into place & the stinky hippies were all smiles.

We chowed down on chips, burgers, hot dogs, kebabs, and LOTS of cocktail, snd German and Belgian beers of all sorts to follow. Xavier and Paul (Petra's boyfriend), JS and PPN were doing the grilling in PPN's backyard despite the pee-pee rainy weather, while I was trying to keep the incoming traffic satisfied, making drinks and conversation with Simone, and Anabelle. Yet more and more people kept streaming into the house....friends of friends and friends of roommates. I couldn't keep things straight, but it was fun to try...

I had my eye on one guy from the moment he started being sly with me. Or at least, after enjoying a couple drinks of my own, I got the sense that he was being sly...? OH MY, in the very least, I cannot say it was the alcohol that had caused me to see him as being so "VERY handsome....for SOOOOOOOO handsome he was. Perhaps it was his cracking jokes about this and that, playing "wise guy", while shining his cute dimples and sharp eyes at me, but there's no denying an immediate attraction.

I didn't have makeup on though, my hair was ruined from the rain, and my change of clothes made me look like a bum...I fit in with the hippies I guess. But, after a couple drinks, we ended up passing one another remarks, at which point I didn't care how I looked; I was simply having fun - making drinks, joking around & talking with the crowds of people...getting to know strangers and their lives.

When the boys were done with the grilling, I proceeded to make SMores for everyone, displaying some "American Pride." The cute kid, Matthieu followed me out to watch me/make conversation. The Smores were a great hit, along with the brownies and cake the others had made, and it wasn't before too long, that people (per request) were taking out their guitars, harmonicas and drums.

Circling the kitchen table, we all started singing/humming/ playing the bongo drums, or listening to an array of live musical tastes and talents. Seriously - an amazing time...so unexpected!

It was like a dream, and in realizing this, I decided to make a toast (having bought some champagne for the occasion) and almost cried doing so (partially because I may have had a couple drinks already) and also because I was having such a good time - at such an incidentally (LATE) moment in my stay...I really wished I had met these guys (men and women) some time BEFORE...

People started to head out around 12...Monday being a working day for many; but I REALLY wanted to stay myself, even though work was previewed for 11am the following morning. Trying to buy myself some time to talk to the cute guy, I made a deal with Anabelle's boyfriend to come pick me up later; that is, after dropping Anabelle off. Yet it turned out that HE was too drunk to drive, so Anabelle ended up coming BACK herself to get me (even though she was the one who had to work at 9am the next morning). Half-guiltily, I told her that I wanted to stay. (If it hadn't been my last "party experience" I would have gone with her, considering her generosity in having come all the way back for me) but she didn't seem upset with my honest decision to stick around; simply not READY to go, I told Anabelle that I'd crash on their couch and that I would find a way home at some point in the morning...no worries.

A handful of us were talking in the living room about ALL sorts of interesting stuff. Turns out, the cute guy was finishing up law school with another one of the musicians sitting next to me, and they were going on & on about liacity (non-secular) Alsacian laws, and then about law school, about France, then about Serge Gainsbourg (we were listening to a selection of FRENCH FRENCH music, per their request).

The handful of us soon turned into a 3some: me, the cute guy (named Matthieu), and his friend Vincent (also very cute and friendly) and we were listening to music in the candle-lit living room while storms were passing us by through the night hours.

After listening contently to an hour's worth of Serge Gainsbourg, some dance tunes came on, and we all got up to dance. We were feeling pretty good, doing our own dance routine.

When some crazy salsa music came on, Matthieu said something about not being able to dance to the kind of music that was playing, which appeared to me as some kind of challenge to show him otherwise (I love a challenge), which (of course) I undertook immediately. I took his hands, and we started dancing salsa, which later turned into a hot and steamy dirty-dancing session...

He politely whispered to his friends' ear that he "thought he looked really tired" and his friend got the hint and left us in peace some time around 4am.

From 4am to 6:30, Mathieu and I had an AMAZING time together listening to music, dancing, and kissing REALLY passionately. After taking off a couple layers of clothing (one gets awfully sweaty playing these games), one thing led to another.

We didn't sleep a wink, yet the morning came all too quickly, and the kisses did not cease, nor did the ROMANTIC exchange; I'd never think a stranger (let alone a French guy) could be so passionate and generous with another stranger - but it was a GREAT surprise.

I was surprised too with myself, for having been so comfortable engaging with a stranger, and so easily, especially after the Italian-incident in Venice, I never thought I'd experience such "singlehood adventures" in my life, but then again, these are the highlights of being single; there's nothing to feel badly about - no guilt, no demands and no expectations. Life without these elements is rare as it is, and I can tell you that it's not every day that one can be so delightfully surprised and thrilled by one's sudden encounters...taking it up AS THAT (for what it is) makes it a beautiful encounter, and a wonderful surprise.

Around 7am, I found 2 of his roommates were already up and about...so we decided to clean up, and he told me how I could get home. It was a little awkward saying goodbye because we KEPT kissing one another, all the way up to the moment before my departure. Without an exchange of information...without any questions or demands...the night was officially over and that was the end.

I started to walk out the door at 7:30 and his friend, Vincent told me he'd walk me to the bus stop. We laughed about the unexpectedness of the night, and we were both happy to have met one another. I got Mathieu's phone number, and was hesitant to leave a message, but decided to leave him a text telling him that it was a pleasure meeting him, and to be in touch if he'd like sometime before I leave.

I didn't think I'd receive any word from, though he DID say the pleasure was shared via text one day later. Too bad we never got to see one another again in my week's stay...but then again...maybe that would have killed the memory all together - my night with Serge Gainsbourg and other fantastical moments in passing :-)

FINALLY: FRIENDSHIP IN FRANCE :-)

Though I gave toast to several friends this past sunday, I think I owe at least one blog's worth to their great contributions to my life.

I can recall my first couple of interactions with acquantainces back in September. They were quite awkward and forced...

And though I am NOT shy by nature, I was quite insecure about meeting new people, having felt intimidated by my accent/my poor vocabulary and my rather negative state of mind/frame of reference. (That is, between learning my new trade, adjusting to my disppointing break-up with C, and while working on my French, I wasn't in "TOP FORM.")

Putting my awkwardness right out in the open, I had told some collegues that I didn't know ANYONE in Strasbourg, and had asked them if they would like to join me for a drink or two some evening after finishing up work. I felt like a weirdo asking young girls out on dates...so it's no wonder why I got turned down :-) haha

But not by all. One collegue at the Gymnase was openly welcoming and charming right from the start; an older fellow - a Classics teacher (Greek, Latin, French)asked me if I'd be interested in joining his theater group. Though I wasn't able to find time to do just that (due to babysitting) I was able to enjoy many an outing over one year's time with him- noon-time lunch outings every other Friday as well as random hiking/biking & cultural excursions. I didn't take him up on his invitations to go to Protestant celebrations, but Thanks to Marc (this was his name) I was able to see my first Professional Opera in Strasbourg. Marc also helped to cultivate my taste for French wine, and French poetry. A real CLASSY man, along with his classy wife named Martine.

In addition, yet another collegue of mine, shortly after being turned down earlier in the school year, told me that she'd organize a little outing with some of her friends so that I could "get myself out there." I guess she pitied me! :-) Though I didn't quite FEEL LIKE it, I knew it was important to try and do just that. That first group-outing was less than ideal for reasons I still cannot understand, yet little did I know that it was just the beginning. When you're alone in a foreign world, NOTHING feels like "just the beginning." Even for an optimist, it's difficult to see the horizon.

Consequentially, having given up temporarily on forcing friendships with the majority of strangers, I looked forward to hosting an acquaintance named Travis at my place (who ironically, I had met in Germany during June 2009 through friends of C's, even though he attended, Boston College as had I) while he was to attend a philosophy conference at the University of Strasbourg.

Thanks to Travis, at the end of 1 week's visit, I was able to meet an acquaintance of his, named Xavier (who HE had met at the Goethe Institute the year prior.) Travis, knowing and sympathizing with my state of mind, had encouraged me to get to know Xavier, along with his friend, Sophy & I'm sure glad I took his advice.

Xavier and Sophy first and foremost introduced me to a GREAT bar downtown, and to the local-hub in Strasbourg named "Freres Berthom." They also invited me to join the CREW team in Strasbourg, and though I ended up backing out (having been much too busy taking French classes after work on top of babysitting) I was able to appreciate OTHER physical and non-physical activities with them. Xavier, for one, was a history buff and was of PROUD Alsacian heritage. For me, though, he was much more than this, because he represented/exemplified what a DECENT FRENCH GUY is all about :-) A fantastic (and single for those who are interested) speciman. Personally speaking, I was only interested in engaging a friendly relationship, which allowed for great ease even biking out, and listening to a music festival together at the ZENITH in Strasbourg (Rodrigo y Gabriela, and Archive!) among other groups...

Sophy, on the other hand, was a young and lovely architect and sports-enthusiast (yay rugby!) Consequentially, in having met them both, I learned a lot about the region of Alsace: having visited the Alsacian musuem), the chocolate museum (which I visited by myself, per chance, during one of my bike-rides through the countryside), and having learned about the little-known mythologies of the Cathedrale, and funny sterotypes about the French...

Through babysitting too, I was able to meet a Brazilian au-pair, who took care (near full-time) of the same girls for whom I did weekly babysitting. Between our long conversations about babysitting, children, and about our general impressions of France, we passed many long nights together - during which we danced, drank, and visited local hot spots, on bike or on foot. Dancing and eating, whether shared in the company of her previously-upcoming/hidden, to her outwardly-established boyfriend, named Bruno - another Alsacien Frenchie - were definitely our most preferred activities, if I can speak for all of us!

It wasn't much later, when in October, 2 English professors from my workplace (one with whom I did that first outing, named Anabelle) had asked me to join them to eat several times at an IRISH pub (The Dubliners) after which point, both had encouraged me to be in touch for other events and activities. Whether it was to watch the television series called "How I Met Your Mother" (which I had was unaware of, despite the fact that it is an American television program...) or to do l'accrobranche" (advanced tree-climbing), karting, or chilling in the school's computer-lounge (while grading, listening to utube clips and other nonesense way beyond working hours) we passed many a good time together, to say in the least. Anabelle was an inspiring teacher, and yet also a realization for me - that I'd NEVER "be" THE teacher she had proven herself to be!

With the other quite "exquisite" English teacher named Petra, (an American originally from DC) I enjoyed sharing lots of movie-nights at the old-fashioned theater, intimate sushi dinners over pyschological talk, and going on quick runs. Whether it was all together, or just the two of us, we'd sit and eat & have a couple cocktails (or non-alcoholic drinks) talking about this and that: ALWAYS the most randommmmmmm conversations, however!

However, these two professors, among being good companions for one activity or another, helped me to figure out some French customs...for one, what to avoid...

Most strikingly, one man at school seemed to have the hots for me, and though I had taken him to be married (aged 40-45 or so) and thus "harmless," having ALWAYS spoken about "the lady at home," it so turned out that the "lady at home" was his MOTHER, and that his invitations and outings for dinner downtime were thought to be "romantic." Knowing this character fairly well, I was advised to be DIRECT rather than "sincere" or "charming" in telling him - without a smile - that I wanted a PROFESSIONAL relationship ONLY.

I was also informed about the pitfalls, and advantages of French culture; thanks to all my new friends, having learned that I OUGHT to be more "up" on customs and traditions if I were to be "accepted" by the posh society in which I was living/working...in Strasbourg. (That is...a FRENCH community that didn't even believe or engage in watching le foot! WTF!?!)

To fix this problem/issue, Petra thoughfully introduced me to some French intellectual friends of hers with whom I did a language exchange; avec Jean-Francois I worked on my French, and in exchange, with the wifey, Emmanuelle I was able to work a bit on HER English. The two were MORE than interesting, and generous persons; I loved passing evenings at their home over simple (scumptious) dinners and good conversation...something to be missed.

Needless to say, come Decemeber of last year (2009), or once my repetoire started to build, I felt more and more at ease with people from work, as well as with strangers. My attitude, or facial expressions must have been obviously altered for others to see; after all, collegues and strangers started to join in on some outings!

And as a result, my small group of friends began to expand, most notably when Xavier introduced me to a couple MORE of HIS friends, PPN - "petit papa noel" (aka Matthieu), and JS (Jean-Sebastian), another two OUTSTANDING French guys, whose company and fun Frenchie personalities I will greatly miss.

Indeed, one evening I took it upon myself to introduce JS to Anabelle, having thought they'd hit it off, and chances had it: I was actually RIGHT this time around; in fact, it wasn't even the first time they had crossed paths...what a small world. I look forward to hearing how things end up between them...? I hope PPN will meet someone lovely, as he too deserves to be with someone special, and not to mention Xavier!

Speaking of which, PPN impartially (accidentally?) ended up introducing US to a bunch of HIS friends just ONE week before my departure (which is a whole different story - detailed in the posting entiled "Serge Gainsbourg style.")

And still, I regret to have avoided contact with a handful of other acquaintances, including one young man from Kehl, Germany named Peter from the French class I had taken from October-Dec of 2009. I had the sense he was looking for more than I was willing to offer, be it in the very least a friendship...I just wasn't interested.

However, Ana from the very same French class at C.I.E.L, was a GREAT contact, with whom I had little ACTUAL "contact." Luckily I managed to have just one opportunity to dine with her, at which point Ana helped me to organize my trip to Spain. Having invited me to dinner at her apartment in Strasbourg, I was grateful to learn a thing or two about Spanish hospitality :-) A nice change in the mix, I should say. Along with the parents for whom I did babysitting, she too worked at the European Union in Strasbourg...an evidentally TIME-DEMANDING JOB.

And speaking of time-demanding, this is one thing I'll never understand: the art of staying in touch...but I'll save that for a different posting altogether.

With many fond memories, fantastic photos, and hopeful wishes of days to come, I am very greatful to have met these listed persons, who most notably SAVED me from being TRULY "Alone in Alsace."

They vacuume TREES here?

One ordinary Saturday morning in late October, I left my apartment on bike to go do my Saturday grocery shopping, as I had done every other ordinary Saturday morning since late August.

Biking half-attentively along the familiar route, down tree-lined streets, I noticed something strange: there was not ONE TRACE of a leaf anywhere to be seen...though just days prior, the platain trees were more than lush and thriving...

"WTF>? Did I sleep through a freakin' HURRICANE last night? Perhaps a TORNADO?"

I continued biking along, laughing to myself, feeling a bit strange. It was like a dream...it was as though I had imagined something.

All the other trees in the neighborhood still had their leaves, and the weather certainly had not indicated any drastic changes...so I reached the conclusion that someone had removed the trees' leaves, perhaps due to some biological plague...(?)

About 4 days later, leaving work on bike, I noticed another line of trees whose leaves were missing...and when I say these trees were BARE...I mean BARE; it was like the Ren and Stimpy episode where Ren loses his teeth thus exposing his loose gums and nerve endings...

figuring there was some plague hitting the treets in Strasbourg, I tried inspecting the trees. They looked fine...? SO STRANGE!

It was not until one late night, leaving from a bar, a little bit tipsy, that I found the answer to this phenomenon! Tracing my steps back from a public square near my workplace, I spotted a truck with a ladder-lifted plank risen in the air, upon which a man stood with a gigantic vacuume. A TREE VACUUME.

"VOOOOOOM!" little by little, the guy SUCKED OFF every leaf from the tree with his over-sized white vacuume contraption, leaving the branches bare and twiggy.

I wanted to ask WHY THE HELL he would do such a thing, but I figured I'd sound like a "silly American" (not that I didn't hear that or feel that way every day) and decided to keep my mouth closed.

I resolved to ask some collegues what was going on, and at first they acted like I was crazy. "What do you mean? The leaves just FELL!" they told me. I couldn't tell if they were joking...but, I realized later that they had not noticed the bare trees lining the streets. I guess the advantage of biking and walking around so much is that you pick up on these things...

Pointing out to a collegue one afternoon the absence of leaves (down the same street I had initially travelled down that ordinary Saturday morning) I insisted that the city men had taken the leaves away...(again, feeling like a paranoid crazy-lady, searching mysterious for "the others,") but it was quickly understood:

"Oh sure, THOSE trees' leaves are removed to prevent their naturally-slow fall. If they remove them now, the city avoids the monotonous task of sweeping the streets."

Though I knew very well at this point how well-kept the city parks and streets are in Strasbourg, I didn't know why the leaf-covered streets were of any concern, but my collegue explained that pedestrians could easily slip on the leaves, given the amount of rainy, slippery days in Strasbourg...

"OH sure!" I thought to myself..."HOW CONSISTENT!" Paris doesn't have ramps, handicapped access, operating elevators or escalators to access the most crucial of desintations, but Strasbourg worries about old people walking around the leaf-covered backstreets going nowhere!!!! hahaha. I love the French.

Sunday Moldy Sunday...

Weekends in Strasbourg have been pretty darn really relaxing; especially when compared to my "previous life" back in the States which entailed super-packed weekends and minimal "free-time" for myself.

Though it was certainly an unseen/unplanned aspect of my time in Europe (that is, previously having thought I'd be sharing my experiences here with C), I've learned to be/live/pass my time ON MY OWN, and have grown particularly fond of all this time to myself! (Especially since now it is well-spent in my own quarters/my OWN space! Living alone is such a treat, I tell you!

Walking around naked, eating when (and what) I like, and exercising like a madwoman only to chow down on sweets to follow, all go unquestioned/unseen by "judging eyes."
Better yet, organizing, reconfiguring or DITCHING "my schedule" completely affects no one for the worst; I can waste my day, or live it up to its absolute fullest without being pressured by someone else to "follow the herd," to "turn in" or to "get going." And these are just some of the advantages; doing this all in EUROPE has added benefits for sure. I've done and seen more things ALONE than I EVER could have done in company...and for that, I'm quite glad things didn't work out "to plan."

When I'm alone, I dare to risk; experiences are rich, and adventure are valuable. Whether it be going to the opera dressed to the nines, tanning nude in Germany's Roman-baths, taking 10-hour bike-trips, trekking sleeplessly across international borders to create fantastic travelling-memories and ravish the random romantic affairs (see "vacation" entry), I don't think I would have had the chance to do a lot of the things I've managed to do, had I been "in company."

However, my particular situation (living alone in Alsace) has come to offer just as many disadvantages as it has advantages. Before explaining why, I will have to do some retracing:

Back in October, I gave my notice at "Rue de Bitche" - my old apartment, with less-than-ideal living conditions (see blog-post entitled Rue de Bitche for an explanation,) and between adjusting to a new job, waiting for my pay check and health insurance (see "Administrative Problems" blog posting) I was feeling the pressure to hunt down a new apartment.

Sundays were entirely dedicated to hunting...all over again (after all, I had JUST moved to France 2 months prior) and when I had no HITTERS after 4 consecutive Sundays, I resolved to hop on the first opportunity that arose:

Sometime in November, a man showing an apartment just north of Strasbourg told me he had a property that would be opening up in December (and this was after telling me the apartment I had originally COME to check out had been already taken...) "PERFECT TIMING," I thought! I would need to move into a new apartment by late December, or early January...

We checked out the other property just a tram-ride away, and I immediately decided I'd take it once I laid my eyes on it; a fairly good-looking/shapely building off the main drag, but near public transportation, ground-floor with a small garden-space, a "furnished" studio with large bathroom...too good to be true!!

Come December, though, I had to arrange to pay rent for the new place (in order to hold my spot) as well as my OLD apartment's "last month" rent - and not to mention the last sum for the month of January - ALL BEFORE taking a trip back to the States for Christmas...(which was an expensive journey in and of itself!)

It was finals time at school, and I was completely loaded with corrections to finish and hand-in; stressed and with little time to BREATHE, I managed to squeeze in 1 Sunday to make the big move before leaving on a jet plane to the States.

A collegue of mine was generous to come meet me with her car to speed up the moving process (though I didn't have MUCH stuff - just clothes and books - it was really helpful!) since I knew I'd have to settle in quickly.

Unfortunately, that SUNDAY turned out to be much more than a move...which ordinarily don't stress me out whatsoever...

My collegue and I arrived to the building to find an abandoned cat roaming around in my EMPTY (NOT "furnished" studio apartment) !!!!!! AN ABANDONED CAT!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF????????

The cat was really a KITTEN though- a male, in heat (they start young I guess?) and though he was SUPER-sweet and SCARED as hell, I had NO IDEA how to react. SURE: I felt TERRIBLE that he had been left BEHIND without water or food (who could DO such a thing? The fucking animal - and I don't mean the cat!) but the poor thing had pee-peed on the floor (and had done who knows what to the mattress that had been left behind). All I could think of was...'where do I put my stuff?' WHAT NEXT????????

A part of me wanted terribly to watch over the sweet little thing, but 1) I didn't want to get attached to the animal, since I owe my loyalties 100% to my beautiful baby that awaits me at home - MY DOG, Byndee that is- and 2) I don't like cats ALL that much... 3) I gag at the scent of kitty litter: BLECK! and 4) I'd have to leave for the States 2 days later & wouldn't be able to get anyone to watch over her in that time, let alone finding a new home for him once I moved back for real.

So, I had to react quickly, and decided to get in touch with animal authorities rather than waiting for my (conveniently ABSENT and "missing" landlord), which had been MIRACULOUSLY open that Sunday for a donation-drive (the most miraculous part of that day for sure!) By noon, the services scooped him up & assured me he'd be given a nice home...leaving ME a place to begin MY OWN place called "home."

Yet my collegue scolded me, insisting that I couldn't even consider moving into the apartment under such horrible conditions. "A HOME!?!?" She only laughed; for there was not even a toilet seat left behind...no light fixtures (well, except the 1 light bulb that had been left behind - along with its exposed wires hanging down from the ceiling) and not to mention the left-over cat-pee. I knew it was SICKENINGGGGGGGG.

But after letting out some tears and sobs, I told her that I'd have no choice but to accept and make the best of it all. THIS WOULD BE MY HOME. (Realistically, there was NO WAY to move out after throwing out so much money that month, and after having already bought my tickets to go home for the holidays!)

She left, and I got to my NEW place. I spent the ENTIRE day cleaning my head off, and crying that Sunday...I felt MORE ALONE than I had ever felt in my life.

But luckily - since I had still been PAYING for my old apartment - I went back to my old bed to get some shud-eye. (After all, I couldn't yet SLEEP in my new apartment since I had no way of buying anything on a SUNDAY to furnish the place, let alone get ready for WORK the next day!)

Ahhh...SUNDAYs in France: all the stores are closed. This of course is geared towards the familial-life; all the families stay inside, which is lovely in theory, but pretty shitty for a single (American) woman :-) Indeed, at the time, it seemed like double-punishment/a dummy-wammy- a SLAP in the face: I was not ONLY alone...but I was without resources.

In any case, the lack of eventfulness on Sundays brings me back to TODAY:
A random SUNDAY in MAY:

Being given the time, I managed to complete a thorough inspection of my apartment space this morning, due to certain suspicions that my APARTMENT has been causing me to fall ill all the time...

That is - ever since I returned from the States last December (and moved into my new place "officially") I have been getting NASTY colds - especially when returning home from x or y travel destination- and I mean really nasty colds!

If not for the "timing" reason, there are several other reasons to believe this is the case:

Reason 2: Since it's been so damn rainy here, I've stayed in a lot (as opposed to going running and biking) which has caused me to feel EXTREMELY TIREDDDDD and lethargic (and not in the normal "I've done nothing today" kind of lazy way...)

Reason 3: a heightened cold started this past Thursday...perhaps due to this event: Having washed by hand and put to dry in my room (well, my STUDIO, lol) an over-sized sweater last Tuesday, I chose to throw on the sweater and get to work the following Thursday. I got to school at 8am realizing the sweater was DRENCHED (and terriblyyyy smelly) due to mold, or fungus. I took it off immediately, although it was really cold outside still, and subsequently found a little rash on my arm. Unfortunately, Thursdays are long days at school, so I didn't get home until later to shower up. I scrubbed down, thinking nothing much of the mold.. until I felt worse on Friday...

This weekend, in looking around my apartment, I've realized that the walls are moldy - just COVERED in paint. Every chance I get, I open the 1 window I have (a door-window) but since it's been raining, it only adds to the moisture in my ground-floor apartment...not to mention the invitation it leaves for ants and bugs to come on in!! UGH!!!

Instead of freaking out, I'm trying to enjoy my free-time...after all, quotidien Sunday-living DOES have its high points/advantages in France :-)

While the families go to church/the temple in Alsace (it being the most religious of areas in France, whereas the rest of the country is very "liaque"/secular) and make their ways to their Sunday dinner tables over televised sports-games...I, a single woman with few friends (hehe, enjoy watching movies, listening to music (REALLY LOUD), cleaning, catching sights on the travel channel or the news on TF1 or EUROnews. These are surely Sunday delights (at least when it's permanently rainy and gray!)

Over coffee with fresh cream from Normandy, or in today's case - tea with milk and honey (to help my nasty, unending cold...arghhh...) I chow down on delicious (fresh) buttered baguettes from the bakery, chopped seasonal fruits, and sparkling water...only to look forward to the next meal :-)

Correcting papers, prepping classes, writing my blog entries, and emailing has also been really soothing during a heavy task of JOB-hunting and applying (all over again...) which I continue to do on my Sundays, ritualistically...

And if I weren't feeling so darn sick (if not due to mold, it's damn positive that it's the stagnant valley that holds pollution in Strasbourg) I'd go to the movies as well - which is seemingly a French Sunday rituel for singles...

Maybe next Sunday. Hopefully it'll be less...MOLDY.

On Abstinence, On HAPPINESS...

I think I was "destined" to abstain from FUN for 4 months upon arriving in Europe last summer. That is, perhaps there was some kind of life-lesson I HAD to learn before appreciating what I had - or, in a Freudian-type analysis: maybe I was LOOKING for abstinence and misery.

Easy enough for me to say this after the fact, since during 4 month's time without television, radio, dining out, sex, visiting with friends (ANY of my favorite things, really) I was DYING for laughter and fun...!

I spent about a month trying to download, stream and watch movies online from my laptop, but PANDORA (free radio) Hulu (free movies and t.v.) were BLOCKED in France (international rights were somehow denied?)

The handful of DVDs I packed with me from the States were unreadable on any Dvd player in France (so buying a cheap portable player wouldn't have been an option, even if I had had any money!) So, When Harry Met Sally, Meet the Parents, Office Space, Borat, Three's Company, Monty Python...all of my favorite "pick me up" movies were nowhere to be found...::sigh:: I hardly could believe it, or as my friend Keti had put it:

"...Really now...I mean....REALLY?"

But I knew things weren't as bad as they SEEMED at the time. I was merely feeling low, but I was STILL in France! While keeping this in mind as often as I could, I decided to pick myself up, and try NEW things...

Not long before receiving my first pay check(which indeed is a story in and of itself!) I took myself out to a professional theater performance of Shakespeare's A Midsummer's Night Dream, using my Boston College student ID (for a reduced price!) I dressed myself up real nice, and took myself out on a date! Though I enjoyed the show, and a beer I admittedly felt a weeeeeeee little bit silly, sitting there by myself; after all, Shakespeare's subtle humour is difficult enough to pick up on & appreciate in English - forget understanding it in FRENCH! People were dying of laughter...and looking around nervously from time to time, not understanding the humour behind the jokes, I managed to giggle at other peoples' reactions...

I also went to the museums as often as I could - seeing that the first Sunday of every month they are FREE in France! Starting with The Fine Arts Museum in Strasbourg, I was very pleased with their selection. Meandering around the museum was relaxing, though it reminded me of C, who used to LOVE art & museums....which in the end made me kind of depressed. The History museums in Strasbourg are outstanding, however. The Historical museum of Alsace is like travelling in time, for real! Lucky for me, I was able to "travel" at all - even if it was all in my head :-) hehe

Yet all this classical-refined-intellectual stuff had never REALLY been my cup of tea, though I considered it important to "check out." Instead of simply checking out the high culture scene, I thought I'd better try something more "up my alley" to pick up my mood: SALSA DANCING! I searched for about a week trying to dig up Southern American hot-spots in Alsace...(but I'll tell you - they're difficult to find!) I surely thought the European Union would have made possible a more "intercultural" night life, but I was proven wrong. (The majority of places to go in Strasbourg are Alsacian pubs, young *high school age* techno clubs, and flammenkuchen/tarte flambee cafes...)

However, luck had it that a man from Peru had recently tried to install "salsa nights" in Strasbourg that August (I found his postings advertised online) and thus decided I'd help promote the up-coming scene by showing up each weekend. (THAT WAS MY PLAN, AT LEAST!)

For the opening night, I found myself in the basement of what was supposed to be a "happening place" I sat down at the bar waiting for the salsa night to begin, but still, at 11 o clock...no one was there (and Strasbourg isn't like Barcelona to say in the least...)

I looked around me, and it seemed like the locals were pretty comfortable - chatting it up with the bartender. I was like the oddball in a CHEERS episode. But around midnight, a middle-aged couple started to dance to the music, and I looked around hoping I might receive an invitation to dance in their suit; I wasn't so far off base, since the salsa INSTRUCTOR (the salsa-nights organizer that is) asked my hand to dance. I was pretty nervous (knowing he'd be a pro) but shimmied my way to the dance floor anyways (at which point - he and I were the only ones dancing!)

And though I had learned how to salsa with a Colombian friend of mine, (and thus was already aware of the "close-up-and-personal-dancing" i.e., no-distance dancing-tendencies of South Americans) I tried my best to FORCE myself to get over the fact/be comfortable with this stranger glued to my body; "just let loose!" I told myself.

Yet after about 10 minutes of dancing, the guy began kissing my neck, half-biting me. I pushed him away, really surprised, after which he said "Oh okay I'm sorry, I won't do it again."

Of course that was a lie though; after all, he DID IT AGAIN.

"DAMNIT!" I thought. I didn't want this bullshit. So, I peeled him off of me, got my things at the bar, and left.

A couple weekends later, I gave dancing 1 more shot, thinking it'd be the SUREST way to pick up my mood & HAVE FUN again....

However, the 2nd night dancing ended up being a bigger let down than the first. This time, though, it was because of my own insecurities and not because of any stranger- weirdo pulling crazy-aggressive stuff on me (like that time at the lake!)

I didn't feel comfortable dancing with any strangers, perhaps BECAUSE of all the weird Frenchies I had recently encountered (I didn't know what they were capable of doing, nor did I know how to READ their signs/behavior) so I sat around at the bar (again) for about an hour & 1/2 before someone asked me to dance. By that point, though I SO WANTED to just get up & get OVER my insecurities already, I hardly FELT like dancing anymore! I was getting tired and grumpy & felt a bit lonely, awkward and ugly - so I really had to force the moves....in fact, it wasn't even like dancing at all...

I'm sure that sex would have been much worse had I tried to cheer myself with any kind of "random hook up" (had I listened to friends telling me that I merely needed a good lay, lololol) that is - I knew I wouldn't have FUN as long as my confidence wasn't there. Getting too choked up...too insecure...my feet were merely fumbling around, and UGH...I REALIZED: THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT. This is not "happiness."

But what did "happiness" mean to me anyways? All I knew was ephemeral pleasure:

Great pleasures derived from sitting around talking with interesting people (preferably over wine, or beers, and of course, food) - sharing passionately and intellectually (or even in debate-form) about philosophy, and about....well...about ideas in general...about LIFE...!!

Back in Boston, with my Plato group - I had a circle of friends to help realize/actualize these pleasures as well as during my time as an undergraduate student at FSC with the philosophy club and cross country team...

But there were few moments when I thought I knew what the word "happiness" meant.

Thinking about it long & hard (and after re-reading Plato's Philebus) I reflected upon those moments...and realized what each "moment" had in common:

HAPPINESS, for me, is simply when I don't want my moment to end; that is, without even thinking about time, whenever I am MORE than pleased to be doing what I am doing just THEN, without rationalizing, or giving supplementary meaning to it...that is when I am "happy."

The only moments I could think of having such a rush was when I was dancing, or having sex; wherein both cases, time is nonexistent; time would NEVER stop me from feeling elated...for I'd never "stop to think" about stopping.

That feeling...of being REALLY happy in the doing - of whatever it is - is the greatest feeling/the greatest pleasure ever! (More precisely, when you're not thinking about time lost, or time gained, or what work is being forgotten, or WHY we're doing it in the first place, or if it's "up to par" for the other person...no hidden insecurities...ahhhhh!) That's happiness!

I USED to have that feeling while playing soccer, or basketball when I was much younger. There was something AMAZING about being on a team, being in a certain rhythm with familiar faces...having that community, and being in a constant FLOW...of ideas, and action. The DOING of it was a way to derive this feeling of elation. But later, for practical reasons (well, adolescence, mainly) I chose to avoid the team-sport atmosphere (since all the soccer girls were total drunks, and I didn't want to be like them) and running cross country was a great substitute for the the rush of ectascy/elatedness (that I had gotten from soccer), at least for some time...

Soon enough, though, I took on the unnecessary pressure of being competitive, having been told that I had a "real strong potential," that "I was a GREAT leader, and deserved to be captain" - which caused me to see running as being more connected to winning...to losing weight...to being a role model...to being healthy, to being GOOD at something in general - than it was related to HAPPINESS.

(Even though I continue to enjoy running, like I enjoy hiking, biking, swimming, kayaking, I enjoy doing them for other "reasons" other than to "BE HAPPY.") I derive pleasure from doing them...sure! But it's not same as those moments of REAL HAPPINESS...and anyways, unlike the embroidered logo on a "LIFE IS GOOD" baseball cap, happiness does not = running; happiness does not = camping...or anything quite THAT simply-stated! WELL - at least NOT FOR ME.) Happiness is not an activity in & of itself...Aristotle m(aybe mis-phrased the definition, lol, and I knew that I'd have to confront that France/travelling did not = happiness either.

Without friends, partners...reflective mirrors...I'd have to confront Alsace alone - not only to find its hidden gems and fun "activities," but also to unfold the happiness that comes from within...

I suppose abstinence<--- forced me to figure out this process out for myself...I began to lose MAJOR weight...I had NEVER seen myself so damn skinny! (It started to freak me out, as cool as it was to see myself so thin...)

And then, perhaps in stark contradition, other things paved the road towards realizing my own happiness:
1) nights chowing down on gummy-bears, nutella-covered croissants and ice cream, washed down with red wine (i.e., in disgusting myself! ),
2) my sister (who was TOO AWESOME to send me some of my favorite movies online!)
3) my best friend, Jason - who listened to & read all of my damn thoughts - the complaints, the hopes...the fears...everything.

Administrative Troubles and Attitude Adjustments

French administration has been stereotyped to be...well, "less than IDEAL."
And though I joke about stereotypes ALL THE TIME, I USUALLY mean no harm by them, believing stereotypes to be misleading, if not FALSE; however...in this case, regarding French administration, I think the stereotype does not address quite well enough HOW BAD things really are.

I'm no economist, but I do think France's socialist ROOTS (here I should mention that they are no longer "socialist" by nature), have had a strong effect on peoples' attitudes towards 1) service, 2) quality and meaning of "work and "efficienty" 3) PERSONAL DUTY and 4) social HEIRARCHY.

Communication is poor, mainly because you have to network through (minimally) 5 different persons before tracking down the person with whom you need to speak (who is most often on absence for x or y reasons,) and not to mention how poor the INTERNET quality is...perhaps it's just my bad luck...but I haven't had such poor quality connectivity since I was in 8th grade, "dialing up" to use AOL! (No wonder why people don't get to 'checking their emails' in timely fashion...)

When you go inside stores, people are in NO HURRY to help you. You have to HUNT down the alleged 'workers,' hoping not to disturb them from one of their many seemingly-heated/involved discussions or phone conversations - taking place during working-hours (often over their frequent* cigarette breaks.) Overhearing their whispers, you may get the gist of the average person's conversation concerning: adultery, sex, being underpaid, or one hating one's life...depression is not only rampant, but very "spoken of" here (despite the fact that psychological aid & psychiatrical counseling is looked upon as a joke.)

Therefore, if you DARE ask HELP from a help-desk, you'd think you were speaking a completely different language with the kinds of responses you get: rolling eyes, sighs, weird stares...forget SMILES! WTF is that?!??!! SMILING!?!?!? THAT'S "so AMERICAN!"

Don't even TRY to mess with someone near lunch-break. As if 2 hours was not sufficient to enjoy lunch, at quarter-to noon, the workers get antsy...a kind of anxiety that heightens all the more around 5 or 6 pm upon "closing time..." Rituals.

PAPER WORK and PAPER work seems to do the trick to 'hold off the masses' for the most part though, since if someone doesn't want to "deal" with you - you're handed a stack of papers. And not only is there NO SPACE for you to complete the paper-work on-spot, but you are EXPECTED to fill it out at home, to make copies of EVERY personal document you own, and then to MAIL IT directly (photo attached) to x or y address - allegedly to their "offices" (which again, buys them more time).

"Bread crumbs and paper trails..." my 2 most memorable 'traces' of France:

As I explained at the beginning of this blog, I first encountered administrative troubles first at th Biblitheque Nationale, alongside my facing weeks of trouble tracking down/receiving news/contractual-PAPERWORK (this time very necessary and useful paperwork to confirm my JOB) from the Academic "rectorat" (or the Federal department of education). Without any "confirmation of my "status" I could not get my social-security card, nor my health-insurance...which both required proof of 3 month's salary - but the majority of French workers were "ON VACATION" and couldn't be bothered for 2 1/2 months to get in touch with helpless desperate souls. If I fell ill, I'd be screwed...

At least this is what I was thinking, due to the absence of any sort of explanation. ANY kind of information was obtained with much effort and with much difficulty. I waited in line at the social-security offices TWICE, and was oft pushed away with paper-work and minimal explanation, thus leaving me questioning...."what NEXT?" No one was there to answer my questions...let alone from my 2 bosses, who pointed to the other for answers. "Ask X, your question pertains to things outside of our working capacities"...and then no..."Ask Y, that's not our job...ask X again."

In addition, it took 3-weeks waiting to receive my measily little bank atm-card (due to the Federal banking system) which made it very difficult to access my account on off-banking hours (which are basically ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!)

6 1/2 months went by before I FINALLY got my social security card (that is, after sending in for a THIRD time, copies of my address, passport, and proof of salary...I suppose they LOST my records at one point!)

Along with the other problems I had with administration at the time, I suppose I was looking for trouble when I decided to apply for lodging-aid through "family services." My cousin had told me that my desperate financial situation (and very lowly single woman's salary) called for/granted me 25%-40% aid in lodgment costs; but it took 2 1/2 months for them to actually "read my paper work" and to REJECT ME.

When I finally moved in to my apartment, GETTING internet looked like it'd be another hurdle to hop over. My building apparently had no phone-lines (this is, after I called NUMEROUS services to find out if there were any records of phone bills at this address), so hiring a technician to INSTALL a line would have not only been expensive, but very timely...(a 2-month waiting line!!!!)

After getting a phone-line installed, ONLY then would I have been able to reserve an internet cable box (which were ordered from FAR FAR AWAY..(?)..which could have taken up to 1 month to be delivered...) BAHHH!! I just grit my teeth and paid for a 3-G (a usb option) to avoid the trouble...

Luckily, my cell phone had been out on loan by the woman for whom I was/am still doing babysitting, Mrs. K...

The cell phone however, doesn't make things easy to make international calls. That is, I've learned the HARD way that international-calling is 1) expensive as HELL and 2) not very evident/easily accomplished.

You'd think things like this would be straightforward, but I've come to learn that most things are NOT very straight-forward here. On the international-calling cards, there are numbers to call from a public-pay phone, as well as to call from your cell phone.

After 10 mins, my cell ran out of minutes, though I had paid over 30 euros...and when I tried the public telephone, I found that you could NOT use international calling cards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO WHERE. Collect-calls only.

I dialed the operator, and got HUNG UP ON when I asked her ANY question. "There's nothing I can do for you. Goodbye." NO APOLOGIES. That too, is "VERY AMERICAN!!!"

In fact, apologies are looked upon as "weak" I'm told. After all; administration here is based upon ordering and rank (a social heirarchy) - so one cannot admit to being wrong to someone else as long as that other person is "lower in rank than him or her" let alone to someone outside of his/her social network. It's completely pig-headed and rotten...that is...if you ask me...!

But what keeps me laughing are the EXTREMELY formal "cordial" customs; addressing strangers politely as "Madame" "Monsieur" only to follow with the most ridiculous of statements...

Letters and emails are finely written WHEN they're written - using the most "soutenu" (classy) French, and are closed with a fancy closing sentiment..."Very respectfully" or "Cordially yours..." or "I beg you to grant me the honor..." It's pretty hilarious, if you want my opinion.

Social "rules" exist where you'd never otherwise see them: don't get chummy with collegues or classmates, or else you'll be stabbed in the back...which was one "rule" I had been clued into a couple months after working, and TRYING to get chummy with collegues. The French are ALWAYS looking out for their own backs, knowing very damn well the next person will use ANY opportunity to make them look bad (only to make themselves look all the better.) ANY WAY TO MOVE UP IN THE WORLD; A DOG-EAT-DOG WORLD.

It's sad...if I'm to give honest feedback here.

The Hip and the Refined: JUXTAPOSED at the GYMNASE

I have a strong feeling that I'll be quite shocked by the "look" of American youngsters upon returning to the States this coming summer. That is, after being surrounded by a bunch of young, "hip" Frenchies, I think I will have to question all over again "what's hip" for high schoolers back in the States.

Not that I EVER knew what was going on in high school (forget what was considered to be "IN!") I must admit that teaching has given me a whole different perspective on adolescence...and on what's "COOL."

Indeed, the sheer fact that I have over 550 adolescent students gives me a powerful advantage in surveying what's GOIN' ON in the heads of kids these days...

And since I've always been a huge proponent/ADDICT of people-watching/quiet societal-observation and theorizing (often separating myself from the group in order to judge what's going on - to the point where I cannot even watch sports events -being too prone to distraction while looking at what the audience is up to/questioning their body-language, their habits, their choices...THEIR GAME - instead of watching the sporting events themselves)I certainly have landed a pretty good "SEAT" in France to WATCH PEOPLE! :-)

First of all: the kids' styles...for the young men: tight-tight-jeans - fitting TIGHT down to the ankle...clasped together, but NOT HELD UP by a metallic belt (that is, showing-off their ASSES must be seen as being "totally hot"). Button-up dress shirts covered with zip-up hoodies and long side-swept messy (by flat-straight) hair seems to attract the young ladies. The hair bit has been most aggravating to me not only because I hardly can recognize the faces of the 556 kids in my class when their faces are covered by hair, but also because they've developed ANNOYING behavioral TICKS, SHAKING the hair out of their eyes every 30 seconds or so. For the young women, short skirts, tights and high HEELS are not out of fashion, despite the sexual "liberation" of women; their long and flowing hair styles - both straight and curly - are much more predominant than short & neat styles. The over-sized "witch bag" (shiny-leather) and brief-case shoulder-bags replace ugly backpacks, and stylish jackets allow for cute outfit- accessorizing.

Secondly, the latest "hot" material items seem to be IPhones/the I-Touch, Ipods (with i-bud wires, or bulky head-phones dangling around their necks) and anything with ENGLISH written on it: tee-shirts with lame senseless expressions ironed on), as well as anything NEW YORK-related "I love NY" bags, sweatshirts etc.

Thirdly, the popular extracurricular activities and "cultural" items involve: FENCING, martial-arts (karate/judo for the youngsters only, usually), tennis, skiing piano/some refined musical instrument to be played at the conservatory, horse-back riding, mountain-climbling and of course - TRAVELLING. These kids have TRAVELLED - to Japan, China, all sorts of islands, the States, all over Europe...all by age 16-17! They've seen the museums, know the famous plays and operas and poems and writers world-wide, and practice speaking 3 languages by 9th grade...something in which they take great pride.

Soccer, handball, swimming, singing, guitar, basketball are seen as "typical" yet unrefined activities - easy to come by...and so, lots of kids don't gloat about being soccer-players (they're seen as uneducated, trash-talking players!) lolol...so funny.

Fourthly, most kids seem to share the same sentiments when it comes to certain IDEAS, perhaps due to their similar backgrounds: coming from (most often DIVORCED) families of wealth with (well-known) long and celebrated traditions/histories of academic excellence and success. Subsequently, they all gloat about their parents' jobs (surgeons, lawyers, doctors, diplomats) and outwardly admit to wanting lots of MONEY when they "grow up", and claim to NOT want any part in MARRIAGE.

They're almost all liberal, but HIGHLY unactive and uneducated politically. Having their own opinions justified is almost UNHEARD OF, although they DO try to express them in my class (I encourage them to speak their mind since, in many other classes they're expected to memorize the voices of people who matter: HIERARCHY IN FRANCE BEATS CREATIVITY!) And yet, they all seem to share a (hip?) perspective on French "national identity" being liaque (non-affiliated with religion), promoting to a great degree - their atheism....

Who woulda' thought, working at a private Protestant school that I'd come across so many young atheists...?

In any case, I suppose their rebellious tendencies make sense - at least after having met their parents. The parental generation is just as funny to encounter as the adolescent generation...indeed, the 2 generations are nicely juxtaposed at the Gymnase, where I work...

Where, amongst adults, it's EXPECTED of you to be able to cite (off the top of your head) memorized lines from theater scripts, opera performances (including those written in other languages, in Italian and German for instance), along with verses from French poetry, quotes of theologians historians and philosophers, and Biblical verses. PROPER French is spoken, and CELEBRATED "soutenu," which makes "joking" quite the intellectual's challenge...yikes! Forget facial-expression and slap-stick comedy!! NO WAY - not here! Not for them! :-)

One sure benefit of this kind of uppity social class is their commitment to education, which I too fervently promote (and benefit from!) After all, not only have I been able to travel to new "cultural destinations" but I've been PAID to take an advanced French course at the university - 800 euros for 8 weeks...SWEET!

I'm a hot commodity, being a native English-speaker from the North East (everyone loves NEW YORK! *along with San Francisco, California for some reason...?) though Americans aren't viewed as being the most refined of cultures...lol.

Both youngsters of the opposite sex & elders of the opposite sex have a funny way of communicating with one another, for they're not as chummy as kids, or collegues in the US. That is, since men seem carry with them a macho sentiment of superiority, and women a stand-offish OR bitchy/nagging image of inferiority, a distance lingers in the realm of friendly interaction. My cousin told me that it's still considered that "seduction" is always present between men & women, and that the French are very aware of this "sexual tension."

I laugh, because I SO do not find French men appealing in general!!! lol...what sexual tension? hahahaha. In any case, it all seems very out-dated and animalistic to me. French feminism is studied in the States, but perhaps little is known about the real state of affairs; there are FEW female professors, and even fewer "accepted" intellectuals, or workers...strange. I'm not even a feminist!

Am I changing, are the kids, or is it really "culture shock" ? Will I have culture shock again, coming back to the States??????