A Philosophy of Education

WAKE SHAKE and AWE!

When I earned my Bachelors degree in biology and philosophy from Framingham State College, I (rather naively) believed that successful education began with the individual, one’s own personal objectives, character, and habits. By the time I finished researching educational philosophy at Boston College, I had put into question the importance of role models, methods, and learning strategies for the development of individuals. And yet finally, only after several years of teaching, I began constructing my own philosophy of education based upon, and beginning with the community rather than the individual.

The community - its members and its activities - is what molds and prepares the individual to be a better learner, a better leader - and not the other way around. This becomes apparent to me every time I confront the fresh faces each “first day” teaching a new class at which point I reflect upon the people that widened my eyes, the challenges that kept me trying, the habits that formed, and the lessons that awed me during my own educational progression. Subsequently, my pedagogical aim has since been to wake, shake, and awe my students. This educational philosophy requires the help of not only one instructor, nor several, but a whole community.

When Aristotle said that all knowledge begins in wonder, I tend to agree with him given the supplementary statement that a good education involves setting the necessary conditions for that wonder to arise. For starters, “waking” the student is a key step to inciting wonder. It is a complex process however, and it must be done carefully and compassionately, just as is waking someone from a deep-sleep (in other words, you probably don’t want to dump cold water over his or her head, whisper too calmly, or shake the sleeper uncontrollably). Waking a student requires compassion, understanding and patience as well as discipline on the part of the educator. He or she may employ individualized strategies to raise awareness and attention to individual students’ interests, strengths, motivations, weaknesses, fears and biases. Of course this step often requires the help of external forces: helpful peers, critical faculty, probing activities, as well as a positive and supportive environment.

Yet, more often than not, college students are not 100% sure of their paths, strengths or interests. If this be the case, there is all the more reason to incorporate written, reading, visual, auditory, and oral activities into lesson-plans in order to awaken the senses more surely, and to reach-out to as many learning-styles as possible. (Some possibilities include the integration of appropriate film/lyrics/poetry into the classroom, creative role-playing and imitations, debating, holding small group discussions, allowing individual power-point presentations, peer-reviewing, and critical analysis of articles and argumentation in the news.)

“Shaking” the student is another important step in conditioning wonder and knowledge. In other words, “shaking” a student refers to jolting his or her (realized) preconditioned habits, as well as forcing him or her to jog and challenge his or her mind to step up to new horizons and become more efficient (thus encouraging the formation of new habits). In utilizing memory exercises, varied difficulties of reading material, critical thinking activities and creative-writing assignments, “shaking” things up prevents students from falling into the predictable, monotonous abyss that institutionalized education often represents to college students.

Finally, the breaking down of the stereotype, and often feared image of “going back to school,” needs to be achieved in order for the students to accept the natural flow of new, ideas and insights. Perhaps the best way to break down one’s old (repeated/worn-out) images and judgments is to replace them with striking, memorable, and self-created images and phantasms. And the best way to achieve this is to leave the students hanging, by asking open-ended questions, pointing out difficult paradoxes, raising controversies and contradictions, providing shocking alarming or even obscene (in the classic sense) displays for individual reflection. That is, by leaving the students in awe, with a sparked curiosity, one gives them the “space’ required for creating their own images, as well as interest and confidence to ask their own questions. It is with these questions, that one may find an added sense of wonder - which as I said before is the key to ultimate/long-term academic success. Every student, after all, is left to learn on his or her own at the end of each school day, within the community, as well as outside the community.

Like scientists, though, our students, peers, teachers and the community at large must actively observe, measure, and evaluate the strong points and weak points of the utilized methods and learning strategies. The classroom, therefore, is like a laboratory for teachers and students alike; for it is dynamic, flexible and ever-changeable according to the changing needs, capacities, and interests of the community members.

Poems and poetry

As I mentioned in a different blog post about having "artistic aspirations," I've come across a couple compiled poems during my year in France & thought I'd share, at least to remember them...
--------------------------------------

Another Waiting Period
At the train station where all the strangers wait
There is nothing "strange" about waiting - being early, being late.

Whether it's fear, excitement, or monotony that paints your face
We're all of the same kind here - participants in the same race.

Bob your head to music, rock the cradle or pacing to and fro,
Stuff your mouth with candy bars, baguettes - no one here you know.

Temptation calls on others for a cigarette - or another glass of wine.
Others remain behind newpapers, appearing to be "just fine."

With loads of work to attend to, or indeed, without a job,
No matter we're where off to, here; we're part of the mob.

And then it's not to shameful just to wait, and sit -
Since we're ALL just waiting, waiting...waiting so let's admit...
We're waiting to go, or waiting for others to come
And no matter where we're going - and no matter where we're from...
We're waiting...for..................the train?
-----------------------------------------------------
2 Young Lovers For Harry and Hermine:
Zeus hath no mercy,
So expect none for thee!
You've taken the poison -
You've chosen impeity.
Rejoice in her sweetness,
Your new ruler's thrown...
Whatever may come of love
Reasoning is unbeknown...
But soldier be brave and,
Do not drop your sword!
Fight well from the other side
Against the ancient Lord...
--------------------------------------------
Hunter of the Love and Life's Charm
Oui c'est possible que je chasse l'amour,
Avec un style, un rhythm d'un tambour:
Comme la pluie qui va 'tic tac' sur la trottoir
Comme les strums de ta main sur la guitarre...
Pure d'esprit, si blanche, de même que la neige,
Ma passion s'écoule sans toit, sans protège;
Quand toute est mouillée, la glace devient glissée,
Je cours, je tombe j'essaie à me capturer...
Mais sur terre, je me souviens la même chute:
L'amour sans fin, est toujours mon vrai but...
-----------------------------------------
Memories Traced
Lots of memories have passed and not one has gone without its trace,
For a moment in time has its name, its history, as well as a face...
Walking down memory lane is certainly a strange place to be,
Feeling nostalgic, and sweet, yet simultaneously uneasy...
It's like leaving a movie screening alone, with poofy eyes and all,
Exiting the back doors, while clinging to the dirty back-halls.
The great performance is over, the screen-acting is all done,
MY "real" life continues, but suddenly, it seems like less fun...?
The grand entrance closed off - the sign points the other way out:
The stairwell winds downward, in dimmed light, the crowd shuffles about...
Not knowing where I'm going, to where these twisted paths may lead -
The movie showing was touching, my thoughts instead linger on what precedes...
Until I notice what's familiar; catching a glimpse about this strange route...
Though the falsity on screen was great, the truth of what is, I cannot do without.
Visions, images, and adventures in these performances to see,
But there's nothing like the moment when compared to memories.
-------------------------------------------
For Danielle, My Big Sister!

Sister, I love how you walk to the beat of your own drum!

I admire the way you let the wind mess up your hair,
Your cigarette lit in hand, blowing smoke into thin air...

You halt up your skit a little bit higher, you always go bare-foot,
Ignoring the ready-made pathways, but always curious to observe and look.

Making your own way through the earthy mud and tall grass,
You believe no one takes notice, you worry about growing up too fast.

But you're wrong, Danielle; if you think that I don't see you, or appreciate all that you do: For even when you're too busy pretending to be vulgar and bold to notice in the 1st place this UNFORGETTABLE truth:

I'm so glad that we're sisters and I love who you are;
You're weird, you're funny and sometimes bitchy TOO!
But you've been there for me; in our lives we've come so far
Therefore I think you need remind yourself that I do really love YOU.

-------------------------------------------
When you Do Get What You Want

When we get what we want, do we want what we got then?

> Craving to fill the emptiness
> Ravenous with desire
> Striving for inspiration
> Driving to be admired (?)
>
> Risk. Sacrifice. Be bold. Be brave.
> Be fearless, and seemless
> As you race towards decay...
>
> Thinking always, what it should be ,
> And what you EXPECT
> What you had promised,
> And all that you bet.
>
> Inspiration, motivation:
> The critical ears that judge...
> No "thing" can stop you...
> There's no "ONE" to begrudge...
>
> Except you, and only you -
> Rightful owner of DESIRE.
>
> Where "D" was for desire then,
> DISAPPOINTMENT set in...
> Although the desire was pure,
> The seems were sewn too thin!
>
> And now those desires get thrown into some limitless
> pit...
> Unchecked, unquestioned, due to TOO MUCH wanting, TOO
> MUCH wit.
>
> Never had desire and wit gone hand in hand.
>
> When the desire comes freely, UNEXPECTEDLY, it flows
> No wanting, or wishing, and no motivations, I suppose....
---------------------------------------------
You DO go with the FLOW...!!!

Palm to palm and tip to tip
Shoulders down-angled
Firm center, hoisted hip

Cutting and sliding,
through the waters you ride
along with the flow,
along with the tide...

You move with such grace
like a fish do you swim.
Your agility, your strength,
has allowed you to win...

Against the rough waters,
the high waves and undertoe,
toppled and tossed,
onward you go!

Such confidence and curiosity
A real drive to press on,
But not like the "workers"
Or like some "auto-matoman..."

And sometimes without time
to take a gulp of fresh air,
you navigate and meditate,
not always knowing where...

"To where are you going?"
All the others might ask.
"You've gone off course!"
You've swum too fast!

"Were you lost in the waves
Or did you care not to look?
Perhaps you were frightened,
Or were you evading the hook?"

"Didn't you notice...
the others were behind...
Your duty was in front...
Wasn't that in mind?!"

From my perspective though,
These questions don't apply...
For your nature - to keep swimming,
Is much truer to abide by...

But still... just please don't you forget...
you're NOT a fish, Jason
You're a human - just yet!

You have arms and legs,
And joints that bend.
No fins, no gills,
and no armour to defend -

Against the biggest predators:
Fatigue and dismay -
Wondering what has happened,
or if to carry on the next day...?

While swimming seems tough now,
Remember where you've been!
Think of the waters you've swam
and what you can STILL offer your kin...

After all, perhaps your relative ease before
Was not merely thanks to your form,
Perhaps it was not your education,
nor your parents gifts' upon being born...

Those "tricks" up your sleeve
which you thought you'd pass on:
to your friends, and your children...
All seem lost, unworthy, long gone...

But really, what has it been
that has always kept you afloat
How have you resisted the easier way;
hopping on the next passing boat...?

Could it be your passion...
or your willingness to get wet...
A loyalty to your nature...
No lies, no regrets...?

If this is true...then you have much more to pass on
to your friends and to your loved ones,
Who keep looking, and wondering where you've gone...
----------------------------------------
For Christoph:

Can we see what we want to see?
Can we write what we want to say?

Do we see things as they really are,
Do we write what is really meant...

I fear more truthfully, that our perception is bent.

Reality-divided, parted into three
You, you, you...and then me?

Woman, trickster, dancer that is masked
Can you give me answer if and when you're asked?

Gentleman caller, with your elaborate displays
Can we share something great, without being led to DISMAY?
----------------------------------------
Early Fears of Deception
Woman, Man trickster: you are masked!
Will you give me straight answers if you are asked?
Or am I just a play-thing, a mere park ball...?
You toss me up, you leave me out, despite the rain that falls?

An object of curiosity, and object of desire...
When I don't know what you are thinking,
The world is but a mire!!

So may I dance with you, and also become LOST?
In a world that is divided, your life that is tossed...

Between our many dances, amongst your different masks
I don't like these games but it is you that my current life lacks.
----------------------------------------
AN OLD poem...with familiar sentiments (year 1999)

"Off to Somewhere with Someone."

I don't know where I'm goin'
I don't know who I am.
One thing I do know is:
I want you as my man.

Please do me good.
Please treat me right.
Know that I love you.
And please hold me tight.
I need some lovin' now
And I know, so do you.
Simply repeat after me:
Whisper you love me too.

The two of us then,
We'll go somewhere
We'll learn about our lives.
If not tomorrow we leave,
We can leave tonight.

I want to escape my roots
And to start our new lives today:
To do the things we want to DO,
Rather than what we SAY.

To put our pasts behind us,
And dream a little dream...
We'll MAKE something out of life
Rather than what it sometimes SEEMS.

Pack your bags if you're ready,
This may be a long ride,
But if we cannot find the road,
We'll follow the ocean tides...

Xmas time in Strasbourg...

Christmas time in Strasbourg is simultaneously joyful yet depressing, entertaining yet boring, festive yet pudrid, and beautiful yet tacky. The weather, for starters, is less than ideal; after all, in the winter time (especially around the xmas season for some reason) it is rainy, gray and cold with bitter winds. Sunshine is rarely to be seen, and blue skies are non-existent.

Despite the lack of snow, the back streets of the outdoor Christmas markets fill up with crowds of people on the hunt for traditional "relics" of Alsace, thus making the intricate cobblestone pathways obsolete.

From the end of November to Christmas day, both during day and evening hours, people walk around aimlessly and without a clue, shuffling their feet, jaws wide open as they find their ways to one of the 8 Christmas craft-markets, snapping pictures, listening to the various street performers (my favorite, the accordian-players and the sax players!) while hunting down one stuffed stork after another, chowing down tarte flambee, sausage or crepes.

Garlands, Stars, Storks, Blinking lights and Cathedral showcases are emblematic of Strasbourg at this time of year, and there is no shortage of beauty - especially before the grand Cathedral itself, and at night, the Christmas lights fill every dark space in the city; there is not an alley-way devoid Christmas decor! So that everywhere you go, you are bound to find a beautiful Christmas GLOW, as in a DREAM, (especially amidst the dreary, fog-filled evenings and puddle-filled night stolls!)

Where you do not find talented young artists, you may hear french and american christmas carols nevertheless, blaring across the stone walls of the ancient squares and public places, along with the hum of random foreign chatter in German, Italian or English and the occasional Cathedral bell chiming...ahh...Cathedral bells are lovely.

Stands for "vin chaud," (hot red wine), pretzels and crepes line the streets, making for a real international affair, and all the while, dead-stop pedestrian TRAFFIC!

I see the lights, the decor and yet I find it difficult to get into my New England "cozy Christmas coma," a time of year dedicated to heavy eating, drinking and complaining about the weather. Perhaps due to the lack of SNOW, or more likely due to the lack of close friends and family, Christmas in Strasbourg is a depressing place to be, full of false SYMBOLs of Christams - and yet empty of true Christmas SPIRIT...a tourist attraction...a place to visit, yet not to live.

Canoeing, Tree Climbing & Travelling with the Kids

There are countless perks to teaching at a posh private school in France, one being the paid "sorties" aka "outings" with the students.

If only I had stuck around one more year, I may have had the shot to go to New Zealand and/or INDIA with the English-speaking section of students; and if not one of those totally awesome destinations, London would have been a definite destination...oh the sacrifices one must make...

Nevertheless, I DID have many opportunities to do outings with the kids. Early on in the school year for instance, I organized an outing to visit a Budhist MANDALA (a sand mandala sculpture in-the-making with explation). We were able to speak to the Budhist monkes very freely, asking questions, finding how very friendly they were as a people! The highlight of this outing however, according to my students, was the Budhist meditative music; the monks played large horns and bugle-type mountainous instruments, and strange noises and vibrations filled the room, inciting a mysterious kind of laughter...

Not much later, I took a group of 8th grade kids to see an exhbit at the BNU (the good ol' Bibliotheque nationale et universitaire) covering CALVIN's stay in Strasbourg during the Reformation period. Since I was not very well educated on the reform, personally speaking, I invited the school Pastor to join us (in case the kids were to ask me any tricky questions). Incidentally, she was very quiet, even when my students were quite noisy and curious. I tried my best to keep them attentive and interested; and luck had it that I had given them an assignment - some type of treasure hunt to complete during the visit - so as to ensure their committment to reading SOME of the information provided at the exhibit...a rather dry outing it turned out to be...

I later visited the city, Nancy with a group of 9th graders(the same group with whom I visited the Budhist mandala). This group of students apparently belonged to a German exchange, and had therefore arranged for their exchange students to accompany them for the day in Nancy. Nancy is located in the mountainous region of Lorraine, just West of Alsace, (a Burgundian territory where Joan of Arc was said to be from). We spent an entire afternoon strolling around and visiting the lovely Prussian city at leisure. Fortunately, the kids were separated from the teachers (there were 4 of us, myself being the only non-German speaker) so we were free to do as we pleased - drink some beers, sip some coffee, with the exception of the guided tour in the historic section of the city at the end of the afternoon. What a very small section indeed! Typical to French weather, the clouds rolled in & out, and we got caught in rain showers on the bus-ride home, at which point I used my time to correct some papers & to make chit chat with oollegues before biking back to my apartment.

Four times over, at the end of the schoolyear, I was invited to accompany my students on sports outings, and not to mention my ski-week with the 9th grade back in February (see other posting on the ALPS). During one outing, we did ACCROBRANCHE, or tree-top/canopy ziplining and for the other 2, I enjoyed CANOEING trips and and around Strasbourg. Canoeing was certainly my favorite outing, since we all got a little bit crazy playing in the water together (splashing one another, racing out boats...) although our day at the track was an equally festive event; during "La course contre la faim" or "the race against hunger," we ran laps around a local track which turned out to be fun despite the fact that my group of 10th graders grew bored very quickly. Nearly 600 kids were there, running...it took me back to my track days & I felt "at home" in a sense.

It was always a positive and wonderful thing to see my students in an environment OUTSIDE the classroom, and more importantly, for them to see ME away from the podium. It certain adds to my "holistic" teaching philosophy/approach...(see other posting on teaching philosophy).

Liberating Nudity: Disrobed Adventure

I've always been intrigued by French customs, most prominently the topless custom. I remember visiting the beaches in Normandy and Brittany with my family when I was a kid, being shocked and awed by the sheer numbers of topless women, both the old and wrinkley and beautifully ripe types. Without any choice about it, I felt a bit prude and stand-offish, especially when asked to strip down on the beach in front of everyone in order to get into my bathingsuit. Looking around, finding NO changing stations, I cried out: "HERE!?!?!" asking my grandmother how I COULD ever DO such a thing, in front of so many strangers. I guess she just as shocked as I - that a young kid could have as many hang-ups as I did about nudity, though she kindly entertained my fears and held up a towel to hide my young body from lingering eyes.

As I grew older, I continually tried my best to be open about body, whether it be in changing rooms, school lockers or what have you, as I became more and more intrigued by public exposure of one's physical attributions; just like Normandy dairy products and Parisian PDA (public display of affection) nudity too, had become a "symbolic" custom of France, to which I had become drawn-in.

Having said this, it was my goal to be 100% "OPEN" about my physicality while living and working in France this year. Initially, I promised myself to visit nude beaches in the South of France as soon as the opportunity was made available to me. I imagined myself laying out on the crowded beaches of Nice and Cannes amongst hundreds of gorgeous men and women, without a hang-up and without a care.

Unfortunately, when travelling to the South of France (Nimes, Avignon, Montpellier) I did not incorporate Cannes or Nice into the itinerary - for reasons according to financial, scheduling and weather problems.

However, when April rolled around and passed me by, I was committed to going nude, somehow, knowing it would be tricky with the 3 1/2 weeks of cold rainy weather hitting France.

So, I looked up German baths, having heard rumour that they too believed in going nude. That is, thanks to several collegues of mine, I caught the name and remembered hearing about Caracalla, which was located in the small roman city named Baden-Baden in the Baden region of Germany.

I planned to bike out from Strasbourg, France to Kehl, the neighboring German city across the bridge, where from I'd catch the train to Baden-Baden. From there, I'd be navigate through the black forest on bike to the famous spa in order to carry out one of my remaining goals before returning home to the Puritanical States...but due to scheduling problems, I didn't catch the train, and was forced to take a bus (subsequently leaving my bike behind.) The way there was long, but enjoyable. I was psyched to relax and unwind in the hot baths, and to check out the massage options at a spa; after all, I've never treated myself to a day at the spa, nor to a professional massage (with the exception of the free one I received after completing the 50mile bike race in southern Maine, years ago.)

I got to Baden-Baden and followed the signs to the spa, and what a quaint town it was! Beautiful, ritsy, classy as any city I'd ever seen. I enjoyed the city stroll to the spa and the stroll continued throughout the afternoon, having realized that I wouldn't get in a massage appointment until 8:00pm that night...(that is, since the spa charged by the hour, I decided to enjoy the baths for the 3 hours prior to getting the massage, putting me in the water sometime around 4.)

After climbling the hills, walking the back streets and snapping photos of the Black Forest mountains in the distance from the hilltops, I built up an appetite and grabbed a late lunch at some Lebanese kebab joint. (YUM YUM lemajun/lebanese pizza!)

With about an hour's time to work off the calories before getting into a bathingsuit, or stipping down to my birthdaysuit, I visited the famous Baden-Baden casino, and parks before returning to my destination.

Around 4 I checked in to the spa. 15 euros for 2 hours...45 mins or so downstairs with the huge heated (indoor and outdoor) pools, and then 1 hour 15 upstairs with all the nudists...

The pools were pretty awesome, especially considering how cool the spring air was. Heated whirlpools and olympic-sized swimming holes were just what I needed to relax after a long schoolyear!

Yet, I grew bored after 45 mins and I decided to go upstairs. Before entering, I read the sign demanding nudity upon entering: NUDISTS ONLY. "Awesome!" I thought, as I stripped off my wet bathingsuit, disrobing to my bare skin.

I found the upstairs to be more interesting than the downstairs portion for sure, as it was incredibly adorned with all sorts of luxurious spa options such as 100% glass-encased steam rooms, heat-lamp lounge charis, bubbling personalized jacoozis, cool pools and cold shower rooms...and not to mention nude men and women of all ages...delightful!

The absolute highlight was walking nude to the outdoor segment of the upstairs nudist spa and to the gardens where there was located 2 rustic wood-burning saunas (literally with crackling fires) at increasing temperatures. 5 mins in each building was enough to break into the best sweat of my life. It felt AMAZING! Sweating beads on ever inch of my body paid off when I exited outdoors again, into the crisp mountain air. AHhhhhhh. I sat outside with a towel wrapped around my bottom for a couple minutes before returning inside.

I laid down for about 30mins next to a bunch of other nudists, and remained quiet. It wasn't one bit awkward or strange; it was BEAUTIFUL...it was liberating. I had never felt more beautiful, or free about my physicality...about others' perceptions of me. In fact, I didn't care all of a sudden about anyone looking at me. It didn't matter! There was nothing to hide and there was nothing to lose.

When my 2 hours were up, I robed myself again and headed over to the bar, just outside the spa area, in the same building, in order to enjoy an over-sized German beer before treating myself to 25 min professional massage. I read a little bit of C.S Lewis' The Great Divorce while making interspersed conversation with the bartender about Boston and Strasbourg and skipped up to my appt, which was much more than relaxing. I near fell asleep. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. The art of massage - definitely one of my FAVORITE things!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was beginning to grow dark after finishing up around 8:40, and I thought it was about time to make my way back to Strasbourg...I had to work the next day, and I knew I'd have a bikeride from Kehl to Strasbourg ahead of me before hitting the pillow...

Unfortunately, I had grown much too relaxed to be concerned about checking out the train schedules. Purposefully making sure to have a relaxing day of enjoyment and fulfillment, I didn't want to worry about anything like that, but I paid the price when I shivered for 3 1/2 hours outside an abandoned train station in Germany, half-way between Baden-Baden and Strasbourg, where there was not a store, nor a person in sight for miles...

I filled my time with walking aimlessly and reading, while shivering, nearly forgetting how relaxed I had been just hours before, when finally around midnight I caught the LAST train to Strasbourg (having decided to leave my bike at the German border in order to catch my shud-eye, which would at least allow for a pleasant run over the border the next day to get it back.)

The next day at work I ranted and raved about the spa, and begged my friends to return, and though others had expressed interest, it never happened.

Instead, I made plans with my friend and collegue, Petra, to make a trip to Basel, Switzerland to check out the city-life and mountain-views down there. She was up for it, though a bit deschevaled when meeting at the train station, when coming to find that she left her wallet behind...so much for catching the train to Switzerland!!

We decided to drive instead, abandoning the thought to get correcting finished on the trainride. Though I didn't want to force her to drive unwillingly, I was happy to have a car-ride. I love carrides (they're indeed one of my favorite passtimes, especially when they're shared with good company!)

We planned to hit up the Beyeler Foundation to see whatever exhibit was on display, and considering the BEAUTIFULLYYYYYYY gorgeous, sunny weather, I suggested taking a walk along the Rhine river.

Luckily though, Petra knew of a better idea: SWIMMING down the Rhine!

She packed a fish (a little buoy-contraption into which you can place all your personal items while floating down the river) and a bathingsuit (as did I, just in case...) and we made out way into the cold, Alpine mountain-chilled waters of the Rhine...

It was a perfect end to a perfect day, a delightful disrobed adventure in Basel, Switzerland. I let out a terrible SCREAMMMMM when dunking my head under, and floated down alongside Petra, while laughing and paddling for my life, feeling my limbs going numb.

To finish up our day, after walking around the museum and getting chilled, we took down a couple more over-sized German beers while (finally) getting down some corrections and school paper-work (which had too "swum" down the Rhine with us in the fish-contraption!) amidst random conversation and laughs.

At sundown, we caught one last glimpse of the city, eclipsed and shadowed by the sun setting behind the Alps and it was breath-taking. I wanted to take 100 pictures, but limited myself to three...the memory of these disrobed adventures would have to stick within the realm of my imagination...

"Keeping in touch"

I've had a long history of "keeping in touch" with family members afar, with friends and ex's had, and with my own histories and stories passed (that is, aside from the very practice of WRITING this blog, from time to time I cannot help myself from looking at old photoalbums and scrapbooks just for the sake of "keeping in touch with the past.")

I guess I could say it's obsession of mine, stemming from childhood; having realized what pains ensued when friends did not -or could not- keep their promises to "stay in touch when I moved away, I wanted to take action on this: I would avoid unnecessary pain by playing MY PART. Yet, I suppose this desire to "stay in touch" with friends of old is -or at least was- ultimately a childish need to HOLD ON; it is unquestionably the inability to "let go."

However, my experience in France forced me to "let go" to some extent. After all, I knew in leaving US soil that I'd be leaving my friends and family behind, and this time by choice, as opposed to moving around by force.

As such, I could live out new experiences as they came; I was able to "keep in touch" with the present moment...that is, with reality...by going with the flow... except for when I didn't :-)

The persons with whom I corresponded frequently both saved me and grounded me to the past. Though I would have liked to have had the strength to go with the flow 100% of the time while I was living my dream in France, I frequently experience rushes of disappointment, anxiety, and with feelings of extreme loneliness when thinking of my decision to "let go" of my family, friends and most painfully, my dog. Rushing towards the present, I was simultaneously holding onto the past.

Luckily, Jason, my closest friend and confident, reassuured me that nothing had been lost - that no one was gone. Keti kept me in the loop, always reminding me that I was missed. My sister and my father acted in familiar ways, both debating with me and asking me all sorts of questions, as though I had been sitting with them at the dinner table all along. Billy wrote to me from time to time after Christmas, which brought much excitement into my heart, looking forward to my eventual return.

So the paradoxical question remains to be whether ot not one NEEDs to be reminded of the past in order to better live the present? And, if not, why are some of us so apt to do it? What is so comforting about old pictures, old stories, familiar faces and personalities? And WHAT is so painful about losing touch?

After all, the benefits of "LETTING GO" are more numerous than are those of "holding on." I felt this too, while in France; for when I wasn't feeling lonely, disappointed or uninteresting, I took on a completely different attitude towards the moment, and thus was able to meet new faces and plenty of new experiences. I did things I never thought I'd do, and saw things I'd never be ABLE to see had I focused my eyes and consciousness on the past.

Ironically enough though, I confronted and met so many wonderfully new people and experiences only to lose contact with them again!) Anabelle, Petra, Nenad, Xavier, Simone, Sophy, Mathieu, PPN, JS...who's to say I'll see them ever again?

Though it's a rather inappropriate truth to admit to blog-space (given its personal nature) I here should say that my greatest FEAR was made known to me while in France...

Oddly enough, the most obvious & reasonable, or traditional fears meant very little to me; the propects of travelling, fending for myself, earning a living on my own were not very frightening at all! Rather, my greatest fear I realized, was the feeling of being forgotten in the midst of it all.

A fear of being forgotten, while alive or dead, being plainly erased or cleared from the consciousness of others: all friends, family members and acquaintances had. God knows why I am so scared of such a silly thing, but nothing changes the fact that I am; hell...some people are scared of slugs or spiders - that's silly too!

In a way though, my fear relates to a hope, a hope that one lives "eternally" through the minds and energies (consciousnesses) of other living things. This is not to say that I believe (or disbelieve) whole-heartedly in the existence of a soul, nor in the reincarnation or resurrection of spirits. Indeed, it's a hope in the connectness of all living things; a "circle of life" of sorts. And, if it is true that we can have a positive influence on other living things - animals, plants or persons - just in BEING oneself (that is, without attributing any sort of individuality/personality) then the "chain" of positive energies can be passed-on and remembered.

If people are connected to one another in any other way than genes, I suppose they're connected by these rememberences; heart-felt experiences, both good and bad. I hope to have had enough of them to be unforgettable and will continue to strive to make more "connections" as long as I hold such hopes and fear such fears.

In any case, my being away in France did help me to gain consciousness of my own fear, and having recognized this fear, I feel more comfortable dealing with the pains involved in "letting go." After all, the pains caused by NOT keeping in touch are ultimately caused by this FEAR, rather than the actions (or inactions) of others...

Nevertheless, my appreciation is never-ending to those who were more than willing to humour me :-) I'm still glad they "kept in touch."

These are a few of my FAVORITE things!

After lugging myself up a long and tretcherous hillside in Barcelona, Spain (with a heavy, broken-wheeled suitcase in hand, an increasingly dizzying fever, as well as an endlessly-running nose and thick mucousy cough) I sat myself down at a cafe with the most wonderful of views.

Without much money to spare after completing a decent amount of traveling, I treated myself to a cup of coffee while overlooking the coast of Barcelona. It was the most gorgeous day I had seen in a long time(and of course it was my LAST day in the city before returning north) and despite my sweats and regrets of walking in the rain days prior to this one sunny day, I found myself thinking very pleasant thoughts.

Though I had plenty of corrections to complete before going back to work, I took out my journal and began writing. The only thing that came to mind was pure appreciation of the beauty before me, and so I began making a list (I'm quite a "list" person...)

These are a few of my favorite things...
- Enjoying adventure, nature and every moment the way my dog does & in her company.
- Running, walking or sitting in the warm rain on a summer's day
- Great heights with breathtaking views
- Fast-speed movement and heart-stopping rushes of adrenaline
- Wandering around hoping to catch glimpse of some hidden treasure/spontaneous event
- Admiring the look of quaint side-streets, corners, tiny cafes and bars
- Lurking street-performers and talented vagabonds
- The sound of waves crashing, lake waters rippling and rain-drops plunking on a
myriad of surfaces
- Cobblestone walkways, ceramic tiles and old stone walkways, walls and architecture
- Hand-made glass jewelry shimmering in the sunlight
- Giant-glass aquariums (underfoot or over-head, lighted by an unnatural/surreal
luminescence.)
- The much-appreciated sunshine, ripening your cheeks and shoulders on an early-
spring day, imagining it ripening the grapes in the vineyards and strawberries in
the fields
- Hot steaming showers and humid mist and fog
- Smooth marble surfaces, and thick-glass countertops, pleasant to the touch.
- Bubbling fountains of any sort or size
- A heaping glass of velvety full-bodied red wine served in a wide-bellied Bordeaux
wine-glass
- Fresh green salads with farm-fresh goat cheese, strawberries, tomatoes and
cherries sitting atop a pool of sweet balsamic vinegar, olive oil and red wine
dressing.
- Bakery-artisinal baguettes and farm-fresh butter alongide a coffee mixed with farm-
fresh cream.
- Dark chocolate fudge-brownie cake drizzled with english cream, caramel and french-
vanilla ice cream
- Having a full-day ahead of me without plans, demands or expectations
- Placing my winter-hibernating feet for the first time on hot sand or crisp grass.
- Dimly-lit streets, old-fashioned street lamps and long, empty boulevards at night
- Being a stranger, people-watching at bars and cafes from the corner-seat, back
always to the wall
- Friendly, smiling strangers who are spontaneously polite or kind for no reason.
- Glass-lamp lighted rooms, accented by the glow of candle-light and cigar smoke.
- The look of a sailboat or large wooden ship in the distance on the vast blue sea.
- Sitting in front of the campfire, feeling my skin tightening and warming and
cheeks reddening.
- Writing and receiving long, hand-written letters and post-cards from all-over.
- Getting lost without the pressure of being anywhere else & finding my way back,
reminding myself of Seuss' childish wisdom in "Oh! The Places You'll Go!"
- The rush of feeling music and dancing to its melodious rhythm
without thinking, worrying, or trying to move my body in any way.
- Getting slick and sweaty while running, dancing or making love.
- Family-traditions & gatherings as well as ritualized "hellos," "goodbyes,"
"thank you's" and congratulatory, life-celebrations
- Big dinners and bbq fests that continue late into the night, enjoying good food,
drinks, pleasant company and conversation, without the rush of washing dishes,
clearing the table or thinking of being ANYWHERE ELSE or doing ANYTHING ELSE.
- Playing cards, pick-up sports games and having friendly but serious competitions
- Feeling like I REALLY have understood something, someone or some happening
- Expressing myself & FEELING heard & well-understood.
- The first realization that all the trees have reached their full "green potential"
in the summer, or their full autumnal color in October.
- Flowering cherry blossoms, peach trees on walkways and hillsides, and pollen
filling the air, sun filtering throughout
- The romance of fully-grown weeping willows, oaks and platain trees alongside water-
banks, ponds and lush back-yards, reminding myself of "The Giving Tree."
- Exotic and strange cacti, plants and flowers that come from the tropics
- Letting my long hair catch the wind with open windows with loud music blasting
- Comfortable nights on a cozy-couch, and lounging in bed while watching x-amount of
movies with a bowl-full of ice cream or a pack of delicious gummy-bears without
feeling guilty about it.
- Unexpected violent storms and crackling thunder and lightening
- Feeling like I "CAUGHT" a moment in a photograph, or in memory
- Flexible schedules and people!
- Public transport and cleared bike-paths for lonesome meandering :-)
- Canoeing or boating down narrow, calm water-ways
- Taking in a gulp of water and a slice of melon or orange after dreaming about it
on a hot and sticky run
- Freshly-made iced coffee, iced tea and fun coctails in the afternoon
- Unique scarves and sweaters
- Gargoyles
- The scent of cologne on a man
- Feeling accomplished
- Spooning with someone I love (including my dog, Byndee!!!)
- Tickling-sensations anywhere (head, arms, legs, neck, back)
- Deep-tissue massages
- The scent of sweet lilacs, eucalyptus branches and fresh pine